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If you decide you want an enemy, choose a good one, because enemies are an expensive luxury. An unknown wise person once said: "If you harbor a grudge, expect some hefty medical bills!" Unfortunately, you'll already be paying most of them in installments as your grudge gradually robs you of peace and strength and plunges you into misery.
You can't always prevent having an enemy, but you can prevent yourself from being one. Every time I read Psalm 18, I'm struck by how, in the opening verse, Saul is separated from David's enemies. Saul considered David an enemy, but David took a different stance toward Saul. David couldn't stop Saul from the follies he committed, but he controlled his reaction to them. If you have an enemy gnawing fiercely at your heart, it's surely because you chose to have one. You're not responsible for how others treat you, but you are responsible for how you react. However much your ego is satisfied by secretly plotting against your enemy, it's not worth the tugging and tearing at your soul.
I've discovered that my first response must be prayer. Perhaps the people who have declared war on me don't need my prayers, but I need me to pray for them. Jesus taught us to love our enemies, to bless them, to do good to them, and to pray for them (cf. Mt 5:44; Lk 6:27-28). This is a wonderfully sure way to preserve a heart that is in danger of being poisoned by resentment.
“All right!” you might say, “I will pray, but I will choose an inspired prayer from the Psalms!” And then you pick a vengeance psalm. You align yourself with the sons of thunder (cf. Mk 3:17; Lk 9:51–56) and call down fire and brimstone from heaven upon the heads of your enemies.
But that is precisely not the prayer Jesus spoke about in the Sermon on the Mount. We must first and foremost pray for ourselves, that we do not become bitter and begin to seek revenge. That is the most difficult task. The rest is much easier. Then we can intercede for our enemies before God in the biblically prescribed way and ask Him to bless them with the knowledge of His Word, so that they may recognize their own need and turn to Him for help. We can ask for opportunities to do good to them and to show a Christ-like attitude. We should also pray that we do nothing that demeans them in the eyes of others, but instead that we may speak well of them or, if necessary, remain silent. "For the birds of the air carry away the sound, and a winged messenger proclaims the word" (Ecclesiastes 10:20).
You must not forget why the devil desires an enemy in you: If you react to your enemy in the wrong way, the devil can gain a foothold in your life. Paul's warning not to give the devil any room (see Eph 4:27) is framed by further warnings about sins that help the devil establish a "bridgehead" within us: lies, unjust anger, corrupt speech, malice, and an unforgiving spirit, to name just a few. As long as these enemies are kept out, you are safe. But if you let all of this in, you will be in serious trouble.
When the devil sees that your enemy cannot gain a foothold in your heart, he will usually do one of two things: either he will call the whole thing off (in which case you can joyfully reconcile with your enemy), or he will increase the pressure and try to push things to the limit, pushing you to your breaking point. When this happens, remember that our battle is not against flesh and blood (that is, the enemy in question), but against unseen satanic powers that merely use "flesh and blood" to achieve their goals (see Ephesians 6:12). Make sure that you put on the whole armor of God in faith day by day and use the weapons God has prepared for you.
If we pray in the right way, we will be empowered from within our hearts to forgive our enemies, even if this is only the first step and a personal conversation with the person in question is still to come. We can then ask God to banish the painful memories so that they do not explode and cause great harm. At this point, I am reminded of a story about the late Dr. William Sangster, one of the most effective Methodist preachers in England.
He was addressing Christmas cards, and a houseguest was shocked to read on one envelope the address of a man who had violently attacked Dr. Sangster eighteen months earlier. "You can't possibly send him a greeting," the man said. "Why not?" asked Sangster. "But consider," the guest began, "eighteen months ago..."
Sangster recalled the man's deed, but he also remembered the time when he had decided to erase it from his memory. "This matter is one of those things I've forgotten, as far as I can remember," he said. And he acted accordingly.
When Christians forget something, it doesn't mean they've simply forgotten it, because that's sometimes extremely difficult. The biblical meaning of forgetting (cf. Hebrews 10:17) is this: one no longer holds the matter against someone so that the relationship is no longer strained. Because God is omniscient, God cannot forget anything, but He has decided not to hold our sins against us again. He remembers His forgetfulness.
Sometimes personal differences are never truly resolved, and we must live with them until God decides to intervene. David had to endure accusations and attacks from Saul until God took Saul's life on the battlefield. But not even then did David rejoice at the king's death. Instead, he led the people in a lament for Saul and Jonathan.
The pages of Christian biographies are stained with the tears of those who, as leaders in the Lord's work, were unjustly attacked for various reasons by people who should have been their friends, not their enemies. Many "nameless" Christian workers in churches and other ministries around the world have suffered similarly. It is bad enough to be scorned by the people of this world, but when children of God do so "out of Christian love," the wounds are even more painful.
“At my first defense no one stood by me,” wrote Paul the prisoner to Timothy, “but they all deserted me; let it not be held against them!” (2 Tim 4:16).
And Jesus prayed on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing!” (Luke 23:34).
In his book The Conduct of Life, Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes the lines of a 7th-century poet:
From a thousand good friends
one doesn't want to meet anyone
But he who has only one enemy,
He meets him every day.
Remember the power of forgetting!
Warren W. Wiersbe (1929 – 2019)
From "In the Service of the Best Master", CLV