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When I was a child, if I heard the phrase "God lays a burden on you, but He also helps you to bear it" in sermons, I thought it was impossible to manage that with a diagnosis like cancer or a tumor. I would never understand. But God showed me how it is possible.
How it all began
It was around October 2014 when I came down with a rather bad cold. As sometimes happens, I lost my sense of taste and smell during that time. After about two weeks, my sense of taste returned, but I still couldn't smell. I was puzzled by this, but decided to simply wait until my nose recovered.
For about a year, I tried to regain my sense of smell with the help of several doctors, each of whom prescribed medication. The only effect of the medication was severe side effects. I then stopped taking the pills on my own. It wasn't until my fourth doctor, after an MRI, that I received the correct diagnosis.
The diagnosis came simply overnight.
One Friday at midday, the doctor's office called me and asked me to come in immediately. During the approximately 20-minute drive, I became very nervous; I sang praise songs loudly and left my window open to distract myself.
In the consultation room, the doctor finally told me that I had a brain tumor that needed to be operated on as soon as possible. With this news and some referrals and paperwork in hand, I left the doctor's office. Once I got to the car, I called my husband and told him everything. After I hung up and tried to understand what this actually meant for me, I felt like I was in free fall. But God caught me. The only thing I could think about was: God is there!
Image source: AdobeStock_495693440 @ Victahh1-Wirestock Creators
Wonderfully safe in God's hands
The following questions arose in my mind: What happens next? What do I need to do? Who do I need to call to schedule the surgery? My mind was incredibly clear, and I felt like I was in a kind of fortress that no fear or worry could penetrate. I can't put it into words.
Three weeks later, the operation finally took place. During this time, I received much support through the prayers of my family and fellow believers in the Lord. May the Lord richly reward each of you!
Interestingly, those who called me during this waiting period to check on my health and offer me emotional support ended up being supported by me. Only God knows where I got that strength. Because everyone who knows me knows that I'm easily moved to tears and react sensitively.
Shortly before the major surgery, the thought occurred to me: what if I wasn't the same person after the operation? So I started writing a few lines for my daughter, who was about to turn six, about how she should interact with her three-year-old brother, that she could always talk to her dad if she had something on her mind, and other things. That made me feel sad and uncertain for the first time.
Then I remembered the verse: “For I am the Lord your God, who strengthens your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you!” (Isaiah 41:13).
The major operation
Finally, the day of the operation arrived. I was full of faith in God's help and was accompanied in prayer by many people. The tumor was larger than expected, about the size of my fist, approximately 6 cm x 8 cm. My skull had to be opened from one ear to the other to remove everything. The operation lasted about eight hours.
During the surgery, my lung was damaged. One lung collapsed due to excessively long and forceful ventilation. Additionally, a muscle in my eye was overstretched, causing me to see double. My brain was severely swollen from the surgery, and there was a risk of epileptic seizures.
I spent three days in intensive care with seven other people. For three days, I had to endure the constant beeping of all eight patients' medical monitoring devices. On top of that, a plaster cast pressed down on my entire head like a helmet. I couldn't turn left or right; everything was pressing down.
Suddenly everything becomes valuable
In this situation, I was lying on one of the upper floors of a clinic in Munich. The windows were open. Suddenly, I heard the birds singing. And suddenly I realized that I was still alive, that I could hear, that I was sane, and that I could enjoy the fresh air and the birdsong. I was overcome with a great joy, the likes of which I had never experienced before.
And God performed even more miracles for me. My lung didn't need surgery; it healed on its own, even though I had already suffered two collapsed lungs at the ages of 17 and 18, which could only be repaired through surgery. I was able to be discharged after just two weeks.
God's miracle in me
Seven weeks after the operation, I wanted to go back to work. The evening before my first day back, I was sitting in the living room. Suddenly, my vision was normal again. I never had any epileptic seizures.
Throughout this entire time, thanks to my husband and my parents, our children were always cared for and well protected. But the greatest miracle for me is experiencing firsthand that God carried me. He was like a strong wall that separated me from fear.
Psalm 68:19: “God lays a burden on us, but he also helps us.”
We have since had our third child, for which we are very grateful. Currently, I'm experiencing a second relapse in my brain, but I know: God is there! And He helps and guides me.
During this difficult time, I wrote a poem that I would like to share with you for your edification:
My journey with Jesus
I was still little when I heard about Jesus.
"He lives, yes, believe me, he is the Son of God."
There have been so many times that He has already answered,
Speak only to Him, surely He hears you!
My thoughts revolved around the Lord Jesus,
Does He hear me, love me, help me, see me?
And somewhere, deep in my heart,
Then I heard: “My child, you are loved!”
The years go by, I felt surrounded
of His faithfulness, love, and good blessing.
But over time, very slowly, then more and more,
I no longer place my hope ONLY on the Lord.
I try to fight my way through some things myself.
I can do it, I know what I'm doing.
And Jesus is standing very close by and wants to help.
But through the noise of the world I do not hear His call.
Suddenly, phases of my life began to unfold,
which then made me powerless to continue.
And I stood there perplexed, wondering where God's blessing was.
Because now everything came to a complete standstill.
I went through something like that too.
The diagnosis came overnight.
And I stood there and had to understand it,
Nobody gives you time to mature for that.
But at that very same moment
I feel the power of the Lord: He is now walking with me!
And no fear, no doubt, no anxiety
It overwhelmed me during this phase!
I immediately felt carried by the Lord.
It's difficult for me to tell you in words.
He was the castle, the fortress that held me.
Trusting in Him, believing in Him, is all that matters!
And thank God, despite some difficult days.
After this time I can say with full strength:
Trust in Him. He will guide you safely.
He wants to be your God, He wants to accompany you!
Amen!
Arina Sartison
Municipality of Augsburg