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"Leave everything and follow me!"
When I converted, I promised the Lord, “I can bring you nothing special, but I will testify to your works in my life!” However, some time passed before I remembered. During a night of prayer, God reminded me of the promise I had made years before and called me to do what I had promised. At first, I couldn't remember, but I quickly understood and agreed to do God's will. Since then, I have been given opportunities to share my testimony and thereby give glory to the Lord.
I wasn't gambling in the arcade; I was working. In the middle of the night, I had a clear thought. "Leave everything and follow me!" That's how I heard God call me. But my encounter with the word of God had already begun weeks before.
An unhappy time
I was 26 at the time and living with my boyfriend. I had little to do with faith back then. Although I had been confirmed in the Protestant church, I generally lived a secular lifestyle, smoking and going to discos. I was doing well at my job in the arcade; I was very popular with customers, colleagues, and superiors. Although I was generally content, after a while I realized that my situation wasn't making me happy at all.
I didn't love my partner, and I understood that there was no progress in my life. I knew that after a breakup, I would have to move out and start over. But I didn't want to do that; I didn't want to change anything and convinced myself that this life was normal. Eventually, however, I became so fed up with these chaotic circumstances that my desire for peace and quiet grew stronger and stronger. The dissatisfaction of being stuck in a rut and having to continue living this life led to my developing depression.
The little yellow instruction manual
In the midst of this depressive episode, a devout acquaintance gave me a book. Although I had never enjoyed reading, I devoured Wilhelm Busch's "Jesus Our Destiny." I read it every day because I found answers to many fundamental questions about faith. This book awakened in me a powerful longing for what I was reading. "This is exactly what I need!" This conviction grew within me.
Wilhelm Busch also spoke of sin and confession. I read that one should drop everything, wherever one happens to be, get down on one's knees, and surrender all sins to God. When I read this passage, I was in my computer room, smoking a cigarette. I understood perfectly well that I was living in sin. So I put out my cigarette, got down on my knees, and told the Lord about all my sins. At that moment, I felt nothing, but I accepted the words from Wilhelm Busch's book with trust.
Time of Liberation
Eventually, I also felt the desire to attend a church service. When I entered a church building for the first time in my life and the worshippers began to pray, I was surprised by the volume. Although many people are initially put off by this noise, it was precisely the loud prayer that deeply moved me. Even today, the sound of prayer uplifts me.
At that time, I was still living about 50 km away from the community, in a larger city. Back home, in my old surroundings, I gradually realized that I should take off my jewelry, that I didn't need to wear makeup anymore, and my style of dress changed as well. I also understood that the situation with my partner had to change. I told him that nothing would happen between us until we were married. To my own surprise, he accepted this, and we continued living together.
Another issue was smoking. I quickly realized it was an addiction. I had to give up this sin. Wilhelm Busch's book also addressed the topic of fasting. I understood that I could overcome this years-long addiction through fasting. Although I had experienced a craving for cigarettes stronger than ever before, I fasted according to my understanding at the time. From the very first day of fasting, I no longer had the urge to smoke. Even my work among smokers in the arcade no longer aroused the urge for cigarettes, much to the surprise of those around me. Thus, God strengthened my resolve to do His will.
The reputation in the arcade
During this time, a special event occurred at the arcade. On my night shift, while restocking the refrigerator, I heard the voice of God, telling me to leave everything and follow Him. But shortly before the end of my shift, amidst my other tasks, I pushed the thought aside. At that time, I was already reading the Bible. The next day, while reading the New Testament, I came to the passage where Jesus calls His disciples.
To my surprise, I read a familiar sentence: "Come, follow me!" I read the words several times and pondered where I knew them from. When had I heard them before? Finally, I understood: Last night in the arcade, I had heard these words from Jesus Christ himself. I suddenly knew what I should drop and leave.
Steps of faith into a new life
During this time, I again asked God about my partner. I didn't know what to do. Should I marry him or break up with him completely? I accepted him as the person God had chosen for me and trusted that God would grant me love for him. But one evening, we had a conversation in which my boyfriend told me he didn't like the change I'd undergone. He wanted the old Nina back. But I never wanted to become the old Nina again. I told him he could come with me, but I simply didn't want to go back. He remained steadfast in his atheism, and so our paths diverged after that conversation.
The termination of my job at the arcade and an impending move were major steps in my faith. Fortunately, my parents invited me to come and live with them. My parents' house was also near the church, and so I clearly understood where I should go—namely, to where I had experienced God.
Immeasurable joy
After a few days of processing the impending changes, a remarkable event occurred. In an ordinary, everyday situation, I suddenly and intensely burst into tears. I wondered myself where this came from. But this moment changed a great deal within me. Up until that point, I had been in a state of depression. While the period of change was interesting and new, the negative feelings were still there.
But now it seemed to me as if the sun were rising in my heart. It was such warmth, an indescribable happiness, and in retrospect I understand this point as the moment of my rebirth. My liberation from the damp, dark cell of depression. From then on, this happiness was written all over my face.
Questions and challenges
When I quit my job, my boss tried to lure me away with a better salary and a newly renovated, affordable apartment. But no matter how good the offer sounded, I had made up my mind. I literally dropped everything, left behind all our shared possessions, and started a new life. My move brought new questions with it. Questions about the church, water baptism, and the Holy Spirit arose. I found the answers to these questions in the church.
A final decision
But challenges also awaited me. I had started this new life with few clothes and few financial resources. Now I noticed that one of my two skirts was coming undone at the seam. If this skirt was ruined and the other dirty—what would I wear? Reality caught up with me, and so the grumbling began. “Lord, I have no clothes, no money to buy things, and no friends to borrow anything from. I left everything for you.” But God did not fail to answer me. In my mind, I clearly heard: “Many have left me. You too can leave.”
I understood that these words, too, were biblical. But where should I go? Back to my old job, to my old friends? No, I didn't want that. He had the words of eternal life; I wanted to stay with Him, I needed Him. This path wasn't forced; I was free to follow Jesus of my own free will. After this decision, my life gradually settled down in material terms.
Some female friends helped me find my place in the church. They were a great support to me during my conversion and spiritual growth. Without them, I wouldn't have made it through. After much struggling, I finally received the Holy Spirit during a prayer meeting with friends.
Thus a new life opened up for me, freed through Christ and guided by God's grace. Praise be to our Lord Jesus Christ.
A testimony from Nina Rudi
from the municipality of Werlte