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After several tragic events, Leonie begins to doubt God's love. She no longer sees His guidance in her life and often feels alone. A serious car accident nearly kills her, and this experience marks a turning point in her faith.
Valleys follow the heights.
It all began after my water baptism in the summer of 2021. We had a beautiful, blessed day. A few days later came the first devastating blow, a stark contrast to the sacred vows we had made on the shore. My older brother was found dead; he died suddenly and unexpectedly. As if that weren't enough, eight months later, in March 2022, my father also died, likewise suddenly and unexpectedly.
After the second death, doubts and intense struggles with faith began. Thoughts crept in that God didn't love me because all this was happening to me. I coped reasonably well with my brother's death, but now it was too much; I didn't know what to do and didn't understand God. I thought He didn't have my best interests at heart. Life no longer seemed worth living; for months I felt numb. I didn't care whether I was alive or not. I almost preferred the latter.
The spiritual battles intensified. In September 2022, I finally gave up. I withdrew from friends, the church, and every contact I had. I desperately wanted to be alone. But God, in His omnipotence, knew the outcome of this situation. He knew that things would only get worse for me and that I would fall deeper and deeper into despair. Therefore, He intervened at precisely the right moment.
God's timely intervention
On September 19, 2022, I was driving to work. On the way, I veered off the road and into oncoming traffic. A terrible accident occurred. I can't say how long I was unconscious. But after waking up, I was absolutely certain that I wouldn't make it and would die. I hovered between life and death and realized how quickly life can end.
After I realized this, I saw my life flash before my eyes in countless individual images. It felt as if I were reliving everything. Often I hadn't acted correctly, had been disobedient, or hadn't pleased God. There were also moments I had long forgotten, from when I was three, four, and six years old. Seeing all of this brought me unbearable pain and an incredibly guilty conscience, and I realized: I certainly won't be saved. I became aware that I hadn't accomplished anything of eternity in my life. With my last ounce of strength, I prayed: "God, I don't want to stand before You empty-handed. I don't care about the circumstances or how much time I'm given, but at least give me one more opportunity to do something for You."
I meant it exactly as I had prayed. I truly didn't care. I wasn't thinking about the fact that I had lost two family members in a short period of time and was in the midst of intense spiritual struggles, nor that I had just experienced this terrible accident, which would surely have dire consequences. In that moment, I realized what really matters in life: What good is it to me if I'm doing well on earth, but I stand before God completely empty-handed?
When I was picked up by ambulance and taken to the hospital, I kept losing consciousness. I asked a doctor if I would survive. He replied, "Leonie, it looks like probably not."
That was a stab in the heart. Was my life over now? Had I missed my goal, eternal life?
Surgery is followed by surgery
I didn't wake up until the next day after emergency surgery in the intensive care unit. The doctors gave me the diagnosis: shattered spine, shattered left femur, right hand broken in three places. The first operation wasn't enough to complete everything, so more followed. Before the next operation, they explained the potential risks to me. While it was possible I wouldn't survive, it was much more likely I would be paralyzed from the waist down. This would mean I would lose all feeling from the waist down, be incontinent, and be confined to a wheelchair. I would be dependent on support for the rest of my life. Life would be completely different.
This information didn't frighten me; I reacted calmly. The doctor was very surprised. He asked, "Are you aware of this, or are you not quite with it?" I replied, "Yes, I heard and understood everything." By then, I had a deep peace in my heart. In the days prior, I had prayed a lot and become grateful. I had been given an extra week of life. That had been my request to God. I had asked for time, no matter how much—and since then, I had already been alive for a week! Even if I were to become paraplegic, I wanted to be grateful that I was alive at all.
After the second operation, I woke up without paralysis. However, a nerve in my thigh had been damaged during the surgery. This resulted in nerve damage, and I was unable to move my leg. Nerve damage is irreversible. The church community prayed for me a great deal during this time, and I felt supported. Therefore, I coped well with the diagnosis.
Miracles are followed by miracles
After about three days, during the morning rounds, I was suddenly able to move my leg again. The doctor knew the course of my illness and couldn't explain it. He called in another doctor and said, "Leonie, we don't know why or how it happened, but your leg is healthy again. I can't explain it medically. You were very lucky." I replied, "That was God." "Okay," he said, "then believe in your God."
The healing process after the second operation went smoothly, and after three weeks I was able to learn to sit. That was a huge challenge and a long process. As soon as the headboard of my bed was raised, my circulation collapsed, and I had no strength left. The longer this continued, the greater the likelihood that I would remain bedridden. But after four strenuous days, I was able to sit up completely. The doctors were amazed and said, "Everything is progressing so quickly for you; that shouldn't be possible with this diagnosis." They attributed it to my strong willpower. But it wasn't willpower; it was God.
Although I was in a wheelchair, I left the hospital after just 30 days. The doctor told me: “Leonie, you must never be ungrateful for this accident. You have no idea how unlikely it is that you survived. And even without paralysis or worse damage. That's practically impossible. Other people with these injuries stay here for months or even years.”
In the hospital (around week 4). The doctors were surprised that Leonie was able to sit up after such a short time.
God's unexpected intervention
The third operation was scheduled for December 2nd. The first operation had stabilized my spine from behind. This time, they planned to stabilize it from the front, which would involve opening my abdomen and attaching plates to my vertebrae. This would stiffen my spine, and I would be unable to bend or turn over. The danger of the operation was the risk of damaging my organs. I asked the congregation to pray for me, which they did.
The day before my scheduled surgery, I went to the hospital for final examinations. Several doctors examined me and consulted with each other. After a few hours, I was told that the surgery wasn't necessary, which is usually absolutely essential with this type of injury. But my spine had already healed remarkably well. The doctors couldn't explain it medically and sent me home. I had trusted that God would bless the serious surgery, but I hadn't expected it to be canceled altogether. No one had truly anticipated such an answer to prayer.
A few days before Christmas, following medical advice, I was to slowly learn to walk again. I knew I would still lack the strength for a long time, but I was to gradually attempt walking on my own. During my rehabilitation in February, I was to fully relearn how to walk. So I began practicing at home. I was still very unsteady, but to my surprise, I was even able to take a few steps. I repeated this over and over. On December 24th, I was able to walk alone – without crutches or any walking aid. Admittedly, I was still slow, and with a slight limp due to a leg length discrepancy, but it went so well that I was able to participate that night in the traditional Christmas carol singing by the youth in front of the houses of our parishioners.
New order
In January, I went on a winter retreat with our youth group. During a prayer meeting, there was a special prayer for healing. I asked for prayer. Through a prophecy, God spoke to me, in essence: “My dear child, if I had wanted to, you wouldn’t be here anymore. If I had wanted to, I would have taken you on the day of the accident. But I want you to bear witness to my miracles. I have completely healed you, and I want my omnipotence to be seen through you, and for you to be grateful for it for the rest of your life.”
Nothing has ever touched me as deeply as this prophetic word. I realized once again: everything could have turned out so differently. It was such a great privilege that God had protected me, even though I didn't deserve it.
The remaining leg length discrepancy was to be corrected with another operation. The evening after my legs were measured, I prayed: "God, you can do anything, you can change this too."
The next morning, I noticed a change as soon as I got up, so I asked the therapist at the rehab clinic to measure my legs. He said he'd already passed on the measurements for the surgery. However, I insisted, and he measured them again—three times in total. Surprised, he asked what I'd done that night. I said, "I prayed." "And what else did you do?" "Believed." After consulting with the doctors, the confirmation came: the leg length discrepancy had disappeared.
By God's grace, Leonie was able to walk again after only 3 months.
During my rehabilitation, I had many more opportunities to tell people about God and His miracles, thus fulfilling the mission He had for me. The doctors' grim predictions—that I would be in constant pain and dependent on medication—did not come true. God has completely healed me, and I am pain-free, even fitter than before the accident. He healed not only my body but also my soul.
This realization has become so profound for me: What good is it to have a beautiful life here on earth if I stand before God empty-handed? God helped me cope with the blows of fate and taught me to place my trust in Him completely. He has the final word, no matter what people say, and only He alone can help and heal, even when no one else can. God has a plan for every single person and works everything out for good, even when it doesn't seem that way. To Him belongs the glory for that.
Leonie Sawazky
Municipality of Bremen-Mahndorf