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A crisis divides: often a society, sometimes friends, and not infrequently even families. We see this in the Gospel of Mark, where Jesus says that " the children will help [their parents] to kill " (Mark 13:12). We must not think that this time is far away. In the USA, a case has just come to light in which an 18-year-old reported his father to the FBI. The FBI felt compelled to arrest the father. In simplified terms, this happened because the son perceived a threat in his father due to his differing political views. There are just as many examples of division in Germany. Today, they concern attitudes toward faith, politics, morality, education, or other areas of life. Furthermore, due to the coronavirus measures, it is to be expected that the income gap in society will widen even further.
Besides the division, we are currently experiencing a polarization in society and sometimes also in our communities. Whether it's legal regulations, fellowship among fellow believers, or easily accessible, often harmful teachings on the internet: everything can unite or divide us. Even questions about whether or not one is allowed to visit someone can lead to differing opinions. In the process, the ability to engage in a balanced and nuanced discussion is often lost.
To prevent our division, we must strive together for cohesion and unity. For God's work is reconciliation and reunification. His intention was also to be carried out through John the Baptist, to " turn the hearts of the fathers to their children " (Luke 1:17). The oft-quoted Psalm 127:5 speaks both of comparing sons to arrows in a quiver and of the united stand of fathers and sons against their enemies. One of the hallmarks of the early church was great unity. We can read about this, among other places, in Acts 2:1 and 4:32.
Many of us have probably already noticed that unity during a crisis is anything but a given. There are plenty of reasons for this. Every father and mother knows that their own children are very different. Age, gender, preferences, and individual character traits make each child unique. We remember that the uniqueness of each individual is an expression of God's creative power. He is the Father of diversity. However, this individuality also puts every family to the test during a crisis.
In this text, we share the experiences we have had as a family. These experiences are neither exhaustive nor guaranteed to be accurate. Rather, they are about sharing our observations and experiences from the past 11 months. Naturally, we want to base our writing on the living Word of God.
What exactly did we observe and do?
1. Importance of the biblical foundation
For us Christians, the Bible is our guide, our compass, and our foundation. How does this fact affect our attitude toward the changes, restrictions, and challenges we are currently facing? A crisis is always something new. It confronts us with new questions that have never existed before in this form. It is difficult because our minds cannot access ready-made solutions in a crisis. Being firmly grounded in the Word is the best preparation. Our love for the truth enables us to remain calm in the face of crisis.
In the Bible, we read about role models who coped with many changes. In the Old Testament, these are primarily Joseph, Moses, Daniel, and David. In their lives of faith, they constantly had to experience new things and possessed strong trust in God. They are examples of how a firm foundation in the heart allows for maximum flexibility in dealing with change. In Hebrews 11:26, the key to Moses' flexibility is mentioned: " He looked to the reward ."
When our focus is directed upwards, a slight detour to the right or left doesn't bother us. But when a person, an organization, or a country is our point of reference, and they constantly change direction, things can get quite stressful. We can observe the same attitude in Paul in the New Testament. In 2 Corinthians 11:23-29, he lists his circumstances. Paul, too, possessed strong faith in his heart and a thorough knowledge of the Word. Because he was so clear about his goal, he was able to react with great flexibility to external circumstances.
Without biblical guidance, we will seek other orientations in times of crisis, be guided by other opinions, and constantly adjust our positions in response to external changes. Some have committed themselves based on a particular influence and were subsequently disappointed because their opinion was not based on the Word. This tendency to adapt was observable during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Furthermore, we observed a certain perplexity. There is uncertainty. Will things get better? What lies ahead? What will become of us and the children? A lack of guidance was also evident in attitudes toward measures and various revelations. It is to be expected that we will encounter further surprises. Having a firm foundation in the Word is the best preparation for changes and trials. Therefore, it is very important to grow in our love for the truth and to continually pay attention to the teaching (cf. 1 Timothy 4:16). God's Word enables us to face changes with peace and not to be afraid, but rather to share that peace within our families.
2. Family as a community
Jesus defined the minimum size of a church: “ For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them ” (Matthew 18:20). We have all seen how quickly churches can be closed in a country like Germany and how drastically social contact can be restricted. However, what has always been possible is to experience church life within one's own family. Certainly, it is wonderful to praise God and celebrate worship services together with a large number of fellow believers.
In the Acts of the Apostles, the church in Jerusalem numbered several thousand members. However, Jesus stipulated that attendance at worship should be limited to two or three people. From a biblical perspective, this makes worship within the family quite possible. As a family, we have participated in all services together, except for Holy Communion. It is important that the men and fathers have learned to submit to their head. Jesus as head signifies both independence and submission. Our families need strong fathers, rooted in the Word, who are able to lead a family as a church, even in times of crisis.
Even today, every day offers us new opportunities to practice. God always gives us the chance to start anew, to do the right thing, as long as we are alive.
3. Time together
The Book of Acts is about the early church. The believers “ continually devoted themselves to fellowship and to the breaking of bread ” (Acts 2:42). Jesus spent a lot of time with his disciples. Paul told the Ephesians that he “ for three years, day and night, never stopped admonishing each one of them with tears ” (Acts 20:31). This means that Paul spent a lot of time with the Ephesians. Even if, for well-known reasons, fellowship with fellow believers is currently limited, we can all cultivate fellowship within our families even more. Time for conversation with household members can be scheduled.
During the first lockdown in spring 2020, I worked from home, and we scheduled our breakfast time together in the work calendar. We all met daily to catch up and spend time together. Obviously, not every father works from home. We found it helpful to schedule time for conversation, singing, and perhaps playing music together. This helped us develop a shared approach to the new circumstances.
If we don't schedule this time together, news, our own worries, and preoccupation with ourselves and household chores will easily distract us. It's important that all family members make time for each other. For us, it's clear that we parents have a responsibility to set a good example.
4. Differentiated and open exchange on all topics
Jesus repeatedly informed his disciples beforehand about important topics such as his suffering and death. Difficult topics, in particular, require discussion, serious conversations together or individually. My wife and I regularly go for walks. The 5-6 km route is a good opportunity for us to coordinate our thoughts. At home, we generally speak with one voice about faith, politics, society, and youth issues. It's crucial that no isolation develops at home due to differing opinions. This also requires parents to engage in discussion and take arguments for and against a position just as seriously.
Especially in his conversation with his disciples after his resurrection in Luke 24, Jesus shows great patience and answers all their questions. He explains repeatedly that the Messiah had to suffer and rise again. Jesus lets Thomas touch his ribs and eats before the disciples. He is our example in patience, forbearance, understanding, and all other character traits. Sometimes it is tedious and perhaps even exhausting to talk about the same topics over and over again. But eventually, unity and understanding are achieved.
5. Take children's activities seriously
Children, especially young ones, have a significantly higher energy level. All parents know this. We believe that parents should keep their children meaningfully and actively engaged. This includes school, part-time jobs, service in the church, household chores, and fellowship with other members of the congregation. Parents are responsible for ensuring their children are well-occupied. Our boys have part-time jobs and take turns cleaning common areas in the house. The girls are more involved in household chores. All the older children play musical instruments, attend our teen choir (when permitted), and participate in other church events. Parents are expected to be responsible for three areas in this regard.
First, they need to motivate and educate the children. They need parental guidance. Together, we discuss the importance of work and the consequences of boredom. The Bible, especially the Book of Proverbs, provides a good foundation for a biblical approach to work.
Secondly, we see it as our responsibility to create employment opportunities for the children. During the lockdown, our boys worked full-time temporarily. The first step, asking about jobs at neighboring businesses, was initially discussed at home. eBay Classifieds is one of the resources we can use to find meaningful work. Furthermore, the children are happy to pass on their part-time jobs to their younger siblings once they've found something more substantial. Depending on our living situation, there's also plenty of work to be done around and in the house. When we moved into our house a few years ago, one of our sons – he was only 15 at the time – took on serious tasks with the interior finishing for the first time.
Thirdly, it is sometimes important to simply check whether the assigned task has been completed, whether English vocabulary has been learned, or whether the room has been tidied. This also shows children that they are being taken seriously.
6. Sorting and Prioritizing
The COVID-19 pandemic has taught us to be clearer about what is important to us. Specifically, this includes community, evangelism, and praying together. These activities have always been important in themselves. Especially during this time, when so much is restricted, many of us have the opportunity to slow down, reflect, and focus on what truly matters. This was the case for us. As one of the many families in our congregation, we were able to legally and with official permission participate in street evangelism and open-air worship services in 2020, despite all the restrictions.
When something becomes important to us despite the pandemic, we diligently seek opportunities to put it into practice. When we then discover that God is opening the door for us despite the restrictions, it creates courage and motivation to work harder. Prioritizing also means letting go of certain tasks, burdens, and activities—for example, reading less news. We don't presume to judge others' priorities. 2020 has helped us develop a better understanding of our own priorities. Of course, the Bible shows us very clearly what should be important to us.
Family cohesion is an important factor in difficult situations. Image source: AdobeStock_412600849 © stockpics
7. Joint work
As a family, we are active in ministry within our community. Every family works differently in their own community. It's less important which ministry we participate in, but rather that we actively contribute. There are plenty of opportunities to tackle a project together at home, in the church, or with other families. Music, singing, social work, and hiking together are just a few examples.
We know families who are often active in sports and leisure activities. Working on joint projects requires patience and perseverance, but also contributes greatly to family cohesion.
8. Compensate
By compensation, we mean creating balance. It's not that everything should be "fun." We shouldn't become slaves to fun. After an eventful and often tiring day wearing masks in class and on the train, children need a break. The pandemic has increased tension. If this tension isn't released, people become more irritable. In the summer, for example, children were allowed to eat more ice cream than usual.
Even activities like walking or cycling, taking a short trip, cooking something new, or working on a self-designed craft project with your own drawings and special tools can provide balance. Reading books is just as important, and so much more. The aim is to strengthen family bonds by creating a counterbalance to the very restricted nature of everyday life, without straying from spiritual pursuits (or even becoming carnal). This is something both children and adults need.
9. Knowing and understanding the concerns of others
Jesus said in the Gospel of Luke: “ But be careful, lest your hearts be weighed down with the cares of life, and that day come upon you unexpectedly ” (Luke 21:34). This means that the cares of life can burden us to such an extent that the coming of the Son of Man takes us by surprise. To be free from worry in a time of crisis requires a living faith and an open and understanding ear. There are certainly many worries in our time. Jesus knows this. That is why He said that each day has enough worries of its own.
When dealing with worries within the family, an open atmosphere is needed where concerns are addressed and heard. Children are taught to express their own worries, to listen to the worries of others, and then to place these worries on Jesus. For He cares for us. We ask the children about their worries, and they tell us about them. The children need someone who points to Jesus and enlightens them. One of the ideas we read in the New Testament regarding dealing with crises or oppression is that Jesus is coming soon. The comfort of the Bible lies in the fact that God saves the believers and will one day punish the wicked. Until then, we want to work so that as many as possible repent. This is also our message to the children—Jesus is coming soon. Soon it will all be over.
10. Take time for prayer together
Actually, this should go without saying. It's more about coordination and making sure all the children are there. It can easily happen that everyone has an appointment and there's simply no time to pray together. It's important to pray for one another and bring our concerns before God together. For us, praying together in the evenings has been a tradition for many years.
A few years ago, we had a non-believing exchange student from France staying with us. He came to Germany to improve his language skills. He joined us for prayer almost every evening. He was moved by reading the Bible. We hope that he will come to a knowledge of the truth. By this, we mean that praying together is important for ourselves. Furthermore, it can influence other people in the spirit of Jesus.
Summary
Can we completely detach ourselves from the current situation? Certainly not. But with God's help, we can definitely keep our focus on Jesus. We can also look to the examples in the Old and New Testaments, be there for one another, and create a place of peace and confidence in our homes. We are not a perfect family. We make mistakes, have weaknesses, and want to " attain the measure of the fullness of Christ " (Ephesians 4:13). We hope that you, dear reader, will do better in your family than we have and grow in faith. We don't know all the answers, but we know that God provides us with plenty of answers in His Word. If anything in this article has been helpful to you, then the effort of writing it was worthwhile.
When writing this article, our goal as a family was to address the challenges of our time. To achieve this, we wanted the article to be practical and concrete. At the same time, we wanted to avoid putting ourselves in the spotlight. The focus should be on the content, not on us. That's why we decided to remain anonymous. We hope you understand.
Wishing you abundant blessings from God
a family from Rheinhessen