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Why a healthy family is an important foundation for community life

I once heard someone say that life in a Christian family has a great influence on the life of the church. In this article, I will explain my thoughts on this.

It is not uncommon for the church to have to discuss its difficulties or problems. Therefore, if we assume that a healthy family is important for a healthy church, we must also consider what helps a family grow, but also what harms it! One might think that Christian families don't have any significant problems, since they have God. But this equation doesn't hold true, at least not always. It applies to everyone: those who don't heed the commandments of the Bible must face the consequences. Those who don't follow God's word are affected by the consequences we also read about in the Bible. This also applies to the Christian family. We will now look at some of the causes the Bible mentions regarding family problems.

 

Family problems in the Old Testament

Cause: Preference

“Now listen to me, my son, and do as I tell you. Go to the flock and get me two good young goats, so that I may make a meal for your father, just as he likes it. You are to take them to your father, and he is to eat them, so that he may bless you before he dies.” But Jacob said to his mother Rebekah, “Look, my brother Esau is rough, but I am smooth. Perhaps my father will touch me, and I will appear before him as if I were deceiving him, and bring a curse on me instead of a blessing.” Then his mother said to him, “The curse is on me, my son. Only obey my words; go and get them for me” (Genesis 27:8-13).

Esau and Jacob were the sons of Isaac, whose father was Abraham. Abraham had received the promise that his descendants would be as numerous as the dust of the earth.

One day, Esau recklessly traded his birthright for a meal. Furthermore, his mother favored his brother Jacob and cunningly arranged for him to receive Isaac's greater blessing. As a result, Jacob had to flee because his vengeful brother pursued him. It is a valid question how God's promise to Abraham could be fulfilled if Esau's murderous thoughts were to be carried out (cf. Genesis 27:41).

This unlawful favoritism towards the mother led to the breakdown of the family.

Cause: Envy

“When Rachel saw that she had not borne Jacob a child, she envied her sister and said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I shall die’” (Genesis 30:1).

Jacob was ordered to flee to his relatives because of Esau's murder plot. He stayed there for a long time, serving his uncle Laban. He also married Laban's daughters, Leah and Rachel. Unlike Rachel, Leah was not very popular or particularly beautiful, and certainly not Jacob's ideal wife. Therefore, God made her fertile, while Rachel remained barren—a great disgrace at that time. After Leah bore Jacob four sons, Rachel became envious. This envy consumed her so deeply that she developed suicidal thoughts.

Envy caused great suffering in this family, so much so that Jacob's wife Rachel wanted to die. In despair, however, she sent her assistant Bilhah to Jacob so that she could have children through her, which comforted her.

Cause: Disobedience/Sin

“And say to the elders of the city, ‘This son of ours is rebellious and disobedient and does not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ So let all the people of his city stone him to death, and you must purge the evil from among you, so that all Israel may listen and be afraid” (Deuteronomy 1:20-21).

There was a harsh law concerning disobedient children. If a son was found to have disobeyed his parents and remained defiant despite parental chastisement, he was to be brought before the elders and the city to be stoned for his sin. Transgressing this commandment could lead to the spread of wickedness within the family and the nation, due to the condoning of sin.

Disobedience and subsequent sin thus unleashed wickedness within the family, resulting in great problems. Consequently, the seed of evil had to be nipped in the bud, so that it was removed "from (their) midst."

Cause: Competition

“But Absalom had secretly sent messengers to all the tribes of Israel, saying, ‘When you hear the sound of the trumpet, shout, “Absalom is king in Hebron!”’” (2 Samuel 15:10) .

David's son Absalom sought to become king unlawfully while his father, King David, was still alive. Within a few years, he gained a strong reputation, particularly among the men of Israel. He wanted to take his father's position, even though it was (as yet) vacant. Because he had achieved a certain degree of success and popularity, King David feared that his son would overthrow him. He may also have remembered his son's act of violence when he murdered his older brother Amnon.

This competition led to the family's split and flight.

Further causes can be found in the wise proverbs of the Old Testament.

There are different types of people who can even ruin or destroy their own home. The Bible often uses the term "house" as a synonym for the entire family. Typically, the family gathers in a house. A house then describes the whole of the family.

Cause: Corruption

“Whoever seeks unjust gain will destroy his house, but whoever hates bribes will live” (Proverbs 15:27).

Particular emphasis is placed on those who acquire wealth unlawfully. This has negative consequences for the family, such as a bad reputation in the community.

Cause: Laziness

“Through laziness the beams sink, and through careless hands water drips in the house” (Prov 10:18).

What sounds like a simple DIY problem can quickly become a family disaster. Laziness permeates life and can destroy what gives the family stability and protection.

Cause: Mood swings

"It is better to sit in a corner on the roof than to live in the house with a quarrelsome wife" (Proverbs 25:24). "It is better to live in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome and angry wife" (Proverbs 21:19).

The Bible makes it clear through these proverbs that difficult life circumstances are definitely better than having a troublesome woman in the family. A person's moodiness can alienate other family members and lead to unhealthy situations, such as separation.

Cause: Stupidity/lack of understanding

“The wisdom of women builds their house, but their folly tears it down with their own hands” (Prov 14:1).

Wisdom and stupidity have powerful effects. One builds up, the other tears down. These proverbs or sayings particularly reflect the following equation: He who possesses these qualities (whether one or all) destroys his own family.

Devotion to God as a New Testament solution

There are families where right and positive decisions are made – families that surrender themselves to God. This surrender should also be the first and most important common foundation that a family must lay in order to grow healthily.

When the people of Israel were freed from Egypt, great fear came over all the opposing nations, for God had placed them in Israel's hands. The elderly leader Joshua criticized the idols still present among his people and called for a clear fundamental decision: “But if serving the Lord does not seem right to you, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve: the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 4:15). After the people's affirmation and agreement to serve the Lord, removing everything that kept them from God was simply a logical conclusion.

The step for a family devoted to God is therefore: Align your life with God!

How can a family surrender itself to God?

A) Everything that prevents one from approaching God must be removed.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24).

In the Old Testament, we often read about (carved) images that were worshipped because people attributed power to them. Unfortunately, this practice was not uncommon even among God's people. This idolatry violated God's commandment and was undoubtedly a sin. This act was punishable by death. The New Testament addresses this issue and judges it in at least the same way. Thus, sinners, as listed in 1 Corinthians 6:9 (including idolaters), cannot inherit the Kingdom of God! What they ultimately inherit is the second death (cf. Revelation 21:8).

The New Testament, however, gives us more insight into idolatry than simply the worship of a pagan image of God. In 1 Corinthians, we read that even grumbling is considered idolatry because this grumbling points to a certain deficiency in God's actions (faithfulness). Yet the cause of our dissatisfaction does not lie with God, but rather in the understanding that God has burdened us with too much (although Scripture clearly shows the opposite – cf. 1 Corinthians 10:7-14).

Paul also specifically mentions how greed is idolatry (cf. Eph 5:5 and Col 3:5). It is one of the members of the earth that must be put to death. Wealth is not for living (not to be the goal of life). There is no better solution than actively removing idolatry from our midst. If any of the evils Paul mentions takes over our actions, it must be destroyed.

As a rule, within the community itself there are hardly any opportunities (and that's a good thing) to intensively engage with anything other than (in prayer) with God.

In the church community one joins, there are established rules and regulations. These are usually set and presented by the church leadership. In one's own family, there seem to be no such guidelines, and family principles are established by the individual. If there is no Christian structure or framework, and everyone can simply follow their own impulses, it is much easier to develop a love for the world (cf. 1 John 2:15; Mark 8:36). Then, a church service or other community event can seem boring and oppressive, so that it can only be endured with the hope of its swift end.

How can healthy and active growth occur here if there is idolatry in the family?

B) Draw near to God!

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8).

What good would it do to remove evil from the house without then making room for God? It would only make things worse (cf. Mt 12:43-45)! So that evil does not return after cleansing, God must enter our lives, and indeed, be at the very center (cf. 1 Pet 3:15/ NIV).

Generally, the best foundations are already present in a Christian family, because Christ is accepted as the perfect sacrifice for one's sins. Belief in the work of redemption, which is necessary for everyone, is already present. However, a single profession of faith does not guarantee practical action in the present! It is wonderful that God has redeemed us through Christ and that through our faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus we have eternal life. But the life of a Christian is also characterized above all by its everyday actions. I am firmly convinced that a lack of closeness (not God's fault) is often the root cause of problems within a family.

But how can one approach God?

Primarily, by calling upon Him with trust (cf. Ps 145:18). Thus, a fundamental practice in the Christian family is continuous prayer. We know from Scripture that God knows our concerns and needs, but He desires that we bring them before Him directly at the throne of grace (cf. Mt 6:8; Heb 4:16). Prayer should therefore be a regular activity in family life. Jesus Himself speaks of continuous prayer (cf. Lk 11:8; Lk 18:1-8), especially for being victorious in temptations (cf. Mt 26:41).

How wonderful it is when families teach children to pray from a young age! A beautiful promise for those who pray is found in the Letter to the Philippians: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Another way to draw near to God, closely connected with prayer, is through internalizing God's Word. God's revelation, which we primarily receive in Scripture, is considered part of our creed. How else can we love someone we don't know? The Bible reveals God's nature especially through Jesus Christ. Christ's words guide our daily lives, for they work in the believer (cf. 1 Thessalonians 2:13), they cause growth (cf. Acts 19:20), they give life (cf. 1 Peter 1:23), and they are themselves the power of God (cf. 1 Corinthians 1:18), sharper than any sword (cf. Ephesians 6:17; Hebrews 4:12).

For those who love God's word, the following promise applies: “ Provide yourselves with food that does not perish, but endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him is the seal of God the Father” (John 6:27).

Closeness to God brings fruitful experiences and encounters. This, in turn, fosters spiritual growth within the family. The church (especially its leadership) is not overwhelmed by the constant confessions of sins from its members! The church is not perpetually occupied with simply giving its members "milk," but can also focus on their continued growth (cf. Hebrews 5:12-13). Members can more freely edify one another—sharing new experiences and testimonies of how the Word of God has touched them. In this way, the church's goal for Christians is achieved all the more effectively (cf. Ephesians 5:19; Colossians 3:16; 1 Corinthians 12:28; 1 Corinthians 14:12).

On closer inspection, we find the small (in the sense of miniature), yet powerful community already within the family. We should also not forget that the family principle is a present heavenly principle, for God, the Lord, revealed himself to us as the Father, whose children we have become through faith in the work of Jesus Christ (cf. Galatians 4:4-7).

A healthy family has an impact on the health of the community, namely in such a way that the community does not suffer from constantly recurring problems, but can concentrate more on the edification of its members and the worship of God.

Final warning to the family's provider

God's Word places great importance on the family, so much so that, for example, if the family is neglected, the head of the family denies the faith and is even worse than a pagan. This applies especially to ministers of the church (see 1 Timothy 3:4-5; 1 Timothy 3:12). Therefore, the family should not be undervalued.

Let's not hinder the healthy growth of the community through unhealthy family conditions!

Personal:

As a young father (27 years old at the time of writing) with two children and a wonderful wife, I am privileged to witness how God works in our lives in many different ways. It is wonderful to see how our children (5 and 3 years old) are already able to absorb God's Word at such a young age and to speak and apply it in various situations. For us, this is a clear sign that children can indeed be taught God's Word from an early age.

We don't always see immediate results, and especially when there are difficulties, we ask ourselves, "Is this even worth it?" But we are all the more delighted when we unexpectedly see the fruit. We are convinced that the Word of God and a personal, close relationship with the Lord bring about change—personally, within families, and especially in the church.

Tobias Michel

Municipality of Bruchmühlbach-Miesau